I have been glued to the television watching the 2010 Olympics. Now the entire concept of the Olympics evokes great patriotism. It also evokes a crazy passion for watching events you normally would have no clue were even happening were the Olympics not on. For example, the Moguls event to most people is really a bunch of crazy kids skiing the part of the mountain most would not dare venture to, trying flips and flops on their self-made snow ramps. Me, I'd rather head back to the comfy chalet for a nice hot cocoa, and to warm my Yeti-frozen feet.
I remember when I was learning to ski, on mountains very close to where the Olympics are today. The highlights of my lessons were (a) trying to ski down the mountain on 3 foot skis (that’s what I learned on - no joke), without ski poles - another ingenious teaching tactic, and (b) figuring out the best way to wipe out cute girls on the hill so I could work on my suave Grade 4 moves. I guess I knew then that I would not be good at most Winter Olympic events. But I digress.
The funniest part of the Olympics to me is the great knowledge people somehow gain on what differentiates the stronger competitors from the weaker ones, especially in judged events. While watching the moguls this past weekend, I heard my dad screaming at the TV in another room about how there is no way that guy should have got "that" score, since his legs were much farther apart than the last guy, and his helicopter turn was no where near as sweet at the other guys "somersault twisting thingy". It was my dad, so he clearly knew what he was talking about. He'll be giving me his analysis of physics of the Skeleton soon enough.
Another of my favourites is watching Short-Track Speed Skating aka Roller Derby on skates. People speed skating around a hockey rink, 6 or 7 at a time for multiple laps, trying to maneuver around each other, all the while wearing helmets and safety equipment like they had in the roller derby. This is the event for me!
Among the things I have learned from watching Short-Track Speed Skating:
1 - While body checking is deemed illegal, it seems to be quite tolerated, and almost expected, as seen by the fact the edge of the rink is well padded in anticipation of collisions. Not sure about you, but I do NOT want any grown man bumping his gonchless butt into me at top speed while skating around pylons.
2 - Small Asian guys, who seem to be the minority in most ice rinks I have been to, rule this event. I guess all those Asian little-leaguers who dominate in Williamsport all grow up to be short-track speed skaters, since they disappear from baseball, and few if any play in the NHL.
3 - Non-Asian competitors, such as the Europeans, Canadians and Americans, appear outright gangly, thus must have cool ponytails and/or goatees to help control the wind resistance.
4 - This is the one event where sticking your head as close to the ass of the guy in front of you is considered great strategy. I hope they have nose plugs
Speaking of which, maybe it was just me, but was the Womens short-track speed skating team pursuit race not somewhat arousing, watching those ladies gracefully skate up behind one of their teammates at full speed, and gently place their hands on the butt of their teammates and push as hard as possible. OK, maybe it was just me.
Time to be quiet now.
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