"You're a wee bit pitchy Dawg!"

I'm going through a bit of Olympics withdrawal around here. While the events were great fun, I find myself surfing television looking for something to cheer for - anything. Go Slap Chop Guy, sell those crappy cutting machines. Go quirky "pitchy" kid on American Idol (I don't even need to say which one, since most fall into this category), please butcher songs I used to like. You get the gist. Sadly, not a great selection. I am cheering for Goldberg in the Apprentice though. Can you imagine a 300 pound wrestler/bodybuilder sized Harley Dude telling you what to do? I thought not.

By the way, can anyone tell me what the deal is with Ivanka? At times, she says some fairly intelligent stuff, but at times, she states the obvious. But most importantly, what is the deal with her boobs? Did she get augmentation? Nothing says respect me and listen to my great words of wisdom than a purchased pair of funbags. I'm trying to be sensitive here, but at the same time, really?!?!? I'd be mesmerized staring at those things in any meeting I might have with her. They just seem much bigger than I recall. I could be wrong, and Ivanka, call me if you want to set the record straight. I'll be here all week.

BEFORE AFTER

Speaking of which, I am a bit delayed in sharing my learnings from this past weeks episode of Undercover Boss. Of course, it follows the same stale formula as every other episode:

- CEO has opening and closing "bored" meeting with Management Team - Check!
- Employees never know what the President/CEO looks like - Check!
- CEO stays in seedy motels accessible to 5 states - Check!
- CEO incapable of performing elementary tasks like packing and stacking boxes - Check!
- Facial hair and a hat, and voila - CEO is in cognito - Check!
- CEO realizes elementary tasks in his business are actually quite hard - Check!
- Tug at Heartstrings storylines - Check!
- Big atrium follow-up presentation to staff who just want a reason to take a break and maybe get some free grub - Check!

But, I did learn a few new things. For starters, who knew Macaulay Culkin grew up to work for GSI Commerce in Customer Service. And who knew he could be so darn polite:

Customer: Your service is absolute crap and you are an idiot
Macaulay: I'm sorry about that. Can I send you some free packing tape?

That guy, whether its Macaulay or not, will likely be trying to sell me something door-to-door soon. I can feel it happening.

My biggest learning of this past episode was that the kind of customer service I am used to (rude, no care for the consumer, condescending etc etc) not only happens in many places, but is actually viewed as not good at GSI Commerce. Who knew? I could swear there is some kind of Bad Customer Service Training 101 courses out there that many companies send their people to. Or at least the cost benefit analyses of bad customer service to future customer retention is inversely proportional and mutually exclusive. Oh man! Did I just type that? I really gotta get out more.

Ivanka, call me! We can talk SWOT Analyses or Corporate Re-Engineering in the Property Management Sector. And I won't stare at your boobs either - OK, I would.

I need to be quiet now.